I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
