She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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