How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
