im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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