My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
