but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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