conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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