Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
