All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
