I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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