sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Randomize
