She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
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