I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
