If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Randomize
