I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
