I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I have fence marks all over my body
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Randomize
