you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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