He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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