I wannas sexs uuuuu
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
