he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
