I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
