i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
