the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize
