he thought i was a dude.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
