So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
