saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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