My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Randomize
