At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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