my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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