does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Randomize
