I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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