you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
