Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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