My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Randomize
