I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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