there's paper in my vomit.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
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