The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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