It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
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Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
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You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
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