Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Randomize
