I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
