mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
