this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Randomize
