He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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