I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Mom said you looked used
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
He better not be in your backpack
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
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