I must be too annoying 4 u.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
