If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
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Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
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Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
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