Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
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