it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
