I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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