She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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