She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
two words: eviction party
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Randomize
