sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
as a side note pls kill me
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