i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
