well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Randomize
