May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Randomize
