WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
