I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
