Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
