So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
