she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
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