4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
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