ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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