i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
