She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
